In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through
stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On a Sear's hairdryer:
"Do not use while sleeping." (Gee that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)
On a bag of Fritos:
"You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside." (The shoplifter special)
On a bar of Dial soap:
"Directions: Use like regular soap." (And that would be how ...?)
On some Swanson frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestion: Defrost." (Of course, its "just" a suggestion)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
"Do not turn upside down." (OOPS! Too late..........)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating." (As night follows day . . .)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body." (But wouldn't this save me more time? Well, except for the trip to the
ER...)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid:
"Warning: May cause drowsiness." (One might hope.)
On most brands of Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to?)
On a Japanese food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use." (I gotta admit, I'm REALLY curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
"Warning: contains nuts." (News flash!!)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: Fly Delta.)
On a child's superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company-- I blame parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw:
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (Who tried that second one!!!!????)
All I can say in response to the above is, do you know how
many people a year complain to the police that they've been ripped off during an
illegal drug transaction, or that someone stole their stash? Quite a considerable number, actually. Lowest common denominator department, here.
