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Down Under -- Way Down.....

Here's some strange questions the author Cynthia MacGregor found on the Sydney Olympic web site.  Strange answers have been added where necessary.

  • Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
    (Upwards, out of the ground, like the person who asked this question, who themselves will need watering if their IQ drops any lower...)
  • Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
    (Depends on how much beer you've consumed...)
  • Which direction should I drive - Perth to Darwin or Darwin to Perth  - to avoid driving with the sun in my eyes? (Germany)
    (Excellent question, considering that the Olympics are being held in Sydney.)
  • I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
    (To accomplish what?)
  • It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise. (Italy)
    (I'm not touching this one...)
  • My client wants to take a steel pooper-scooper into Australia. Will you let her in? (South Africa)
    (Why? We do have toilet paper here...)
  • Are there any ATMs in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
    (How about Traveler's Checks?)
  • Do the camels in Australia have one hump or two? (UK)
    (Why?  They have taxis available for travelers.)
  • Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
    (Why bother? Use your fingers like the rest of us...)
  • Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
    (No. Everybody stinks!)
  • Do tents exist in Australia? (Germany)
    (Yes, but only in sporting supply stores, peoples' garages, and most national parks...)
  • Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
    (Probably not from a Radcliffe graduate...)

  • Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
    (Sure. Gay nightclubs.)
  • Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
    (Yes. At Christmas.)
  • Can I drive to the Great Barrier Reef? (Germany)
    (Only if your vehicle is amphibious.)
  • Are there killer bees in Australia? (Germany)
    (Not yet, but we'll see what we can do when you get here.)
  • Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
    (What's this guy smoking, and where do I get some?)
  • Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round?  (Germany)
    (Probably also not from a college graduate)

  • Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
    (I love this one...there are no rattlesnakes in Australia)
  • Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
    (Face North and you should be about right)
  • Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
    (Americans have long had considerable trouble distinguishing between Austria and Australia.)
  • I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
    (Grin and bear it!)

  • I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth.  Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
    (From Liz Taylor, perhaps?)
  • Are there places in Australia where you can make love outdoors? (Italy)
    (Yes. Outdoors.)
  • Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
    (Only if you can speak English where you are now.)
  • I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
    (The R+R stands for "Rots of Ruck")

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