Index Pg. 1
Forwarded by my brother, Lloyd Williamson, who
undoubtedly has had this conversation with his own dogs more than once.
But he's not altogether heartless - see
Rules for Non-Pet Owners.
Rules for Dogs
When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with
each other so there are still two dogs in the way.
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other
dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in
the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food
and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating
me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help, because I
fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about
this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your
comfort. Look at videos of dogs sleeping - they can actually curl up in a
ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched
out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails
straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used
is nothing but doggy sarcasm.
My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by
some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not
necessary to claw, whine and try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the
edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I
entered. In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years, canine
attendance is not mandatory.
The proper order is kiss me and then go smell the other dogs butt. I
cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you.