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Now that I'm older...

Here's what I've discovered:

  • I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
  • My wild oats have turned into prunes and bran flakes.
  • I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.
  • Funny, I don't remember being absent minded.
  • Funny, I don't remember being absent minded.
  • All reports are in; life is now officially unfair.
  • If all is not lost, where is it?
  • It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
  • Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.
  • I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few...
  • Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
  • Accidents in the back seat cause... kids.
  • It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
  • Only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom
  • If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on knees.
  • When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess?
  • It's not hard to meet expenses... they're everywhere.
  • The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
  • These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter... I go somewhere to get something, and wonder what I'm here after.
  • If all is not lost, then where is it?
  • Did I say this already?
(Note:  variations of this piece are posted all over the web.  No one says who wrote it; maybe it's a collection.  Notify for attribution if copyrighted.)

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