(5)  Gaining Control            1   2   3   4   5   6   7   ...More >>>   

It's natural to want to grow up and have control of your own life.  But guess what?  Nobody has total control.  The awful truth is that we are much at the mercy of our surroundings.  You can't control most of your existence; the need to earn food and shelter.  Not environmental disasters, earthquakes, hurricanes, floods, volcanoes, drought, famines, financial recessions, your health, working conditions, laws, or wars.  Nor other people you have to deal with, their defects nor their shortcomings.

Being an adult means accepting that you can't control many things in life.  This takes a while to accept; it's one reason teenagers are often sad and angry.  They feel the world shouldn't be this way, and bad things shouldn't happen to good people.  They often don't realize that having to accept this fact of life is the reason they feel so unhappy.  Don't despair.  You have two tricks up your sleeve to help you deal with all this:

Begin now to do what you can to influence what happens to you.  Prepare for hurricanes, floods, earthquakes, etc.  Buy insurance; follow building codes, recycle, conserve energy.  Protect the environment and wildlife, stock food ahead, save cash for a rainy day, learn to manage your money, eat right and exercise.  Educate yourself in several fields, teach others, write to legislators.  Demonstrate for world peace, work for equality and civil rights, contribute to the less fortunate, volunteer your time.  Learn to influence other people, mostly through your own behavior.  You get the idea, right? 

Control your own reactions.  Accept anger, then put it aside.  Accept sadness  because your needs haven't been fulfilled, then forgive and let it go.  Try to understand other's points of view, problems, and why they act the way they do.  Don't let other's actions control your own; that's handing over control and power to someone else.  Learn to relax; to love others despite their defects. 

You have a great deal of control right now over your own life; as much as many adults do (believe it or not!).  Whenever you feel you're required to do something you don't want to do, or are forbidden but are tempted to do anyway, tell yourself: "I can decide to do this or not, but what are the consequences?  And can I accept the results?"  You have control.

When you are about to become upset at another's behavior (or if you're already upset), stop!!!  Take a deep breath.  Ask yourself: "Why is this person really doing this.  If I'm angry, I have a right to be angry.  If I'm sad, I have a right to be sad.  But I'll put those feelings aside for the moment, really listen to what's going on, and try to limit the power this person has over me."  You control your reaction.

Sometime you might like to list the things, small and large, that you have control over, and you might be surprised!  But remember, when you control actions, you have to be responsible for the outcomes.

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