How I Killed Two People with my Accordion

<<<...Previous... One day one of our reps came in; she'd been crying.  Her elderly father had undergone a bypass, more or less unwillingly, and healing was not going well to the point he was restrained, entubed, etc.   He made his feelings clear that he wanted nature to take its course.  Our rep's family thought she was an unfeeling and unnatural daughter to agree with him, as they were instructing the doctors to take all steps to preserve life. 

"Do you think I'm wrong?" she asked.

"Not at all," I told her, "Let me tell you about my experience."  And I proceeded to tell her the story about Grandmother Tupper.

"That's a beautiful story," she told me, tears running down her face.  "Imagine that she died listening her favorite hymns."

"That's not at all hard to imagine," Burt chimed in, with a disgusted look on his face.  "You haven't heard Bess play the accordion!"

I've seen this quote several times:  "A gentleman is a man who can play the accordion but doesn't."  --unknown       Or a lady, in Spain or elsewhere, I'm sure Burt would add.  

Last:  After Hurricane Andrew our business was so destroyed that I had to lay Burt off, and he moved on to bigger and better things, doing this and that for a while before settling in to his present career in  display and window dressing with a major retailer on South Beach.   The AIDS epidemic was in full swing, and Burt got free medical care for a while by doing volunteer work visiting AIDS patients who were dying at home.  One particular patient was in the last throes of the disease, in great pain and discomfort when Burt arrived.  Burt asked what he could do for him.

"Nothing," was the reply, "I just want to get this over with.  I only want to die."

"Isn't there anything I can tell you or do for you to cheer you up?  How about a joke or a funny story?"

"Nothing," was the answer.

Inspiration hit.  Burt told the Grandma Tupper story, starting with the rep whose father wanted to die.  When he came to the punch line, "You haven't heard her play the accordion," the fellow started laughing so hard he had a stroke and died on the spot.  Burt had mixed emotions, upset, relieved....

That night he called me and told me about it.  "Bess," he added, "I want you to know you have now killed two people with your accordion!"

I sold my accordion.  It was too heavy, anyway.

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